Saturday, August 28, 2010

our little family

Oh if only i had the energy and heart to tell you all that has been running through my mind!~ and OH aren't you glad i don't! 
As far back as i can remember i wanted to be a wife and mommy. I played this role from birth, first with baby dolls, then with barbies, then over and over in my head as i thought of any potential guy who might be the one-starting that in junior high. In high school i dated not. Most people thought it was because of my "very strict" parents...and to a degree..maybe it was...but God had set my heart apart even then-not to settle. My mom and i spent nights in my teenage years praying on our knees for my husband to be..i waited-i dated not. In college God began to turn my heart towards Him for that satisfaction, that longing fulfilled-showing me HE can be husband to that heart of mine. 
He gave me countless amazing women to be a part of their every day days. Watching them fold laundry, cook and counsel their little ones. Whether it was babysitting, vacationing with a family, or a short term nanny position, God was grooming me for THIS.
Even my degree...elementary childhood-i took human growth and development, childhood psychology, storytelling & puppetry...Really?! I spent 5 years in the classroom. I learned about public education at its worst and best. 
My mom was classic stay at home mom. Consistently investing, instilling wisdom, work ethic, respect. How many nights was she sure i would flee the flock?! Oh how i rebelled. How my heart spurned the things of God my family was all about at times. But truth be said, at the end of everyday i have always been thankful for the weirdos we were. I knew that my family was special.awesome.different. and somehow i knew that it made me that way too. 
This decision about taking a part time job has been hard. The latest with it is i told her i could not do this everyday. She is looking into me doing 2 days a week for 4 hours each day. The boys would be going to mothers day out those days if that is how it works out. That means me beign at home with them ALL DAY EVERY DAY 5 days week...allowing them (and me) a small break and time to remember there is a world out there beyond our own.  They both enjoy it at Trinity Tots. Its such a sweet environment. I pretty much know all the kids mamas in both their classes-either directly or indirectly. Their teachers are sweet as pie. Their cousins go there-so there is always that familiar face. They have a set schedule and curriculem. They have art, music, outside play snack and nap. They both sleep well there. It really seems to be a ministry to mothers and their children. It seems to be done right. I feel okay about them being there. It allows Ben to have 2 days where he can work free from a noisy background and where he can set up appointments with clients and i don't have to guard the doorbell at naptime...
So, you only though this was going to be short...Hmm. THIS life i am living is exactly what i have always dreamed of. I get to wake up and care for my husband and precious ones everyday. I may not "feel" this all the time, but i know that God's will is for my sanctification and it is happening and will continue as i trust God through each day. No matter what those days look like.
He is worthy of trust and is giving me the faith and contentment i need daily. I feel that this part time opportunity may be a way of teaching me to let go of control of my babies, a way to remind me of the lost world, a way to encourage and minister to other women in my community, a way to not build my children up as idols in my heart, to give me focus for the season i am in...and much more..but no matter..He is in control and He is guiding me..