I want you all to know that being a mom is the hardest thing i have ever done. I want you to know that i love love love what i do and would never change anything for a second, no matter how i complain. yes, 15 months apart is hard, but it has come for my better-ment. There is a period of about 12 months of their little lives that i didn't do much of anything but be mommy all day everyday. Conversations -impossible. Finished sentence-what's that? Flat out giggling, a feeling of actual restfulness, knowing i ate a meal, exercise, adult time...things that where but a blur of a memory and hope for the future.
But i have learned so much about my God, myself, my family. Ben and I have applied the 'cleave' part of Genesis. We have learned to depend on God & each other. The lessons of life that i can't even put into words from this time are priceless-a gift if you will.
I watch others sometimes and even wish this on them secretly for the joy that comes from the trial, but boy...!
So i have gotten the question a lot seemingly of late, "So are you guys done?" The answer is no.
We knew we wanted to have more than two from the beginning, but there have been times (& they are many!) where we thought..hmm..maybe two kids is plenty!! If our 'pocketbook' had a vote I'm pretty sure what it would be, if my inlaws (or my own fam??) had a vote, theirs would probably be the same. BUT as Ben and I have discussed it ALLLLLL the reasons not to have more children are selfish:
1. more time for ourselves
2. more money
3. more vacations
4. more opportunities (people stop inviting you to do things once you hit +4!)
5. more food :) this is for anyone who has seen our boys scarf down pounds of food!
Seriously. MORE. did you catch that? More of this world. But what of the next? Do i want more of Jesus, more heaven? Is my mind truly of things above? Do i want more of all the good that i have seen from God's hand through this hard time?
From the world's measurements more children is not logical. But what of faith and logic? Never a good pair i presume.
SOOOooo, I have FAITH that God is going to
1. provide time needed to maintain relationships
2. provide financially more than i could ask or imagine
3. provide rest
4. provide opportunities others wouldnt' have w/ less kiddos
5. provide enough food
I rest on His Word:
He has given food and provision to those who reverently and worshipfully fear Him; He will remember His covenant forever and imprint it on His mind. Psalm 111: 5