Saturday, July 30, 2011

emotions

My parents just drove off with my two boys...
My dad had to be in north Alabama to settle some more stuff over my uncles death, my mom went too thinking i may go into labor and she would at least be that close. They offered to take them home until Molly comes.
I cried when they drove off not knowing what emotion to feel. Was this my last few days with them before i have the constant care of a newborn and their boundless energy to contend with? Should i be giving that up?
I had both the boys in my 39th week. i am 38 weeks and 5 days today.. so if you look at things in light of that- i really have 2-5 days before she comes. Exciting, yes. Scary, yes.
I was up last night from 12:17-1:37am with contractions 5 minutes apart. It had been an hour and my bags weren't totally packed so i got up to complete the task and see if they worsened or quickened upon my rising. Nope. Stopped- as in completely. Still nothing-its 10 am..
My parents were asleep on the couch, prepared in case i went into labor to stay with the boys. I must admit i did get a little excited that i could be holding our little girl today, but i was TOTALLY exhausted and felt overwhelmed physically at the thought of laboring for a couple of hours with a future of endless nights without being awakened every two hours. So God is being gracious to me that i have this time of rest before she comes...time to sleep, sleep, and...yawn...sleep. To eat and not have the constant care and chatter that my precious little men bring. To be alone with Ben. To have a clean house last more than an hour.
Last Saturday we rode 4 wheelers at my sis in laws, i swept, mopped and vaccumed our entire house this week, took long walks at night, continued daily tasks of laundry, lifting the boys, cleaning, cooking, bathing them etc. I have stored up extra food in the freezer, labeled and dated. I have done grocery and sundry shopping, worked in the yard, eaten spicy foods and all the 'tricks' that are supposed to send you into labor..
I am tired.
I recognize this as a time of rest and am receiving it gladly, though admittedly with twinges of disappointment. My parents were going to take the boys to Alabama after Molly had been home 2 weeks and we had all adjusted to the addition a little and to give us a break. But now we don't know if that will happen because Hope is also due this month. The last week in August. And will need my mom around that time. So i am relinquishing all plans and waiting. And resting.

Monday, July 25, 2011

A weekend with Uncle Ish





I didn't realize that Ben and Ish were 'gods' in college until Ben was gone to Memphis and people found out we were dating. By we i mean Ben and me, although many did not separate the two of them...
Ish and i coped together in the 'loss' of our best of the best. We missed him and would mope around talking about how much we loved Ben.
Now he has married a WONDERFUL lady that happened to live across the hall from me freshman year in the dorm. Mrs Amber Montgomery Pruitt..we are SOSOSOSOS happy for them and we got the treat of having them stay with us a couple of weekends ago. Ben had been dying to take the canoe out and Ish was just the inspiration he needed. Here are some pictures from our adventure:

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Letter to Myself

Dear Joy,
This is a letter to yourself to remind you of some things that you have learned this year.
"...you shall remember the whole way that the LOrd has led you..that He might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart..letting you hunger and then feeding you...take care lest you forget the LOrd your God..beware lest you say in your heart my power and might got me here..you shall remember the LOrd your God for it is HE who gives power.." Deuteronomy 8

You will make the same mistakes as you have before, your struggles will not change, but let what you have learned of God stay fresh in your memory. Recite it to yourself as these challenging days ahead creep up and be encouraged at growth and God's faithfulness.
When Brennan was born you had it all figured out. You were the perfect parent, with the perfect child, that slept through the night and on a schedule because you worked diligently to teach him how...and then he turned 15 months and you realized you are not a perfect parent, he was a sinful child just like every other child that had proceeded from a woman and not only that you had another baby to care for. WHat did you learn of God during that season? That His Word is the guide for parenting, not my thoughts, theories or studies, that Christ is the standard of perfection and we all fall short, that try as you may you will fail on your own. You learned to hunger...that you might be fed. YOu longed for control, but God continually lovingly took it away, that you might be fed by his sufficent power stronger than yours. You hungered for sleep, but God taught your SOUL to rest. You hungered for encouragement from friends and other parents, for someone to understand-God fed you with his fathomless understanding (Isaiah 40:28) "he does not faint or grow weary his understanding is unserachable. He gives power to the faint and to him who has no might he increases strength"
Knox was a fighter, of sleep of schedules of your will. You fought back at first until you realized 2 Chronicles 20:15 "Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s.." You learned that "You are good and do good" Psalm 119:68 and that "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows James 1:16-18
"For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to anyone." Lamentations 3:32-34
You learned an advanced version of Romans 8:28 by looking at verse 18: .."consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.."
and the rest of the chapter made more sense
"...For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? 25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. 26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. 28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

You have so far to go. You are still very selfish. You still want the world to work around what serves you best but take heart
"...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
Philippians 1:6
"...If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Romans 8

Just ask HIm Joy, daily for he will give you ALL things you need. If you have it not, its because you need it not, or have failed to ask. He will supply your needs and IF you are humble before Him He will show you what your needs are so that you may look to Him to supply them so that you may learn of His power and rest in HIS strength.

Remember "...We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. 9 Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God!"

He loves you JOY, he just wants you to know all of HIm and to do that you must be willing to trust all of you to Him..
Psalm 31:14 But I trust in you, LORD; I say, “You are my God.” 15 My times are in your hands; 19 How abundant are the good things that you have stored up for those who fear you.."
Ephesians 3:20 "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory!"

Lovinlgy,
Your July 22, 2011 self

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/motherhood-as-a-mission-field

An article that blesses my soul...

Monday, July 18, 2011

updates

Well i am definately dialating..you know that feeling by #3.. so we will see. Still no contractions. She did not check to see if i was further dialated this past Thursday because i had one more day of my seminar to renew my teaching license and my family had enough going on with my dad's brother's funeral on Friday. But she was concerned that i was not showing growth so she ordered an ultrasound. Miss Molly weighs an estimated 6.2 lbs and everything seemed to be developing fine.
Our boys are great. Brennan told me today that he was glad i was here and that i didn't have to go to school anymore. (i was gone from 8-2:30 daily last week). Knox is cutting ALLLLL FOUR of his 2 year molars. That stinks! It makes for afternoons of lots of crying and early morning restlessness and waking. But he is so sweet and fun and is really starting to show affections. Molly's bag is packed for the hospital, the infant carrier is in the car, but my bags are still not packed nor my toenails painted.. :)
We sing the little prayer "God our Father" or say "God is great" blessings before eating trying to encourage the boys to acknowledge and thank God as provider for our food. We only do this at dinner, at lunch we use our words and at bedtime we ask the boys what they want to thank God for. Lately Brennan has really been trying to take care of Knox A LOT! Like when he falls Brennan runs to try to pick him up or he will give him a toy or hug when he is crying and say "its ok". Tonight we were on the way home and Knox started fussing. It was me and the boys alone and they were in the "far back" seat of the yukon..i heard Brennan go "Knox do you want me to sing to you?" "knox replies "huh" (his yes)...Ok and then knox says "firefigher one" which is really "God our Father" but for some reason when Knox says it it sounds like firefighter..he thinks we are saying God-fire-fighter, God-fire-fighter, we thank you, we thank you" and i guess that as corny as it is..God is the ultimate FIREFIGHTER fighting off Satan's firey darts for us and rescuing us from the flames of hell..there you go my darling Knox, you have understood and coined a phrase far beyond your understanding!
Next i hear Brennan "God our Father, God our Father.." Knox chiming in...God-firefighter, God-firefighter" then they start in with Knox going God is great(.......Long pause....) like we do when we are waiting on him to echo...it was precious! Made this mama's day.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Ready or not

I have really been a stinker in the blog world..not many updates, nor pictures etc. Things have been good around here. Unordinarily sweet. The boys have found a comradery that blesses my soul. I have determined to focus less on our house being spotless and absolutely sterile before Molly comes and turned to discipline and focused attention on the boys before that has to be a less frequent pleasure..Seriously i enjoy cleaning our house..its a stress reliever for me. And spending time enjoying hugs, kisses and snuggle before bedtimes are a leisure that i must give to myself and our boys. It blesses them and i have found encourages a sweetness in them towards each other and me..
I LOVE them..Let me just tell you a couple of funny stories from Brennan lately:
If you are on facebook you probably saw the cowboy story but here it is again:
I was cleaning up bfast dishes in the kitchen and Brennan came running into the room in his cowboy boots and went straight for the door to outside. I asked him where he was going and he said "to the cowboy place" very matter of factly. I said "oh, where is that?" after thinking for a second he said" umm..close to heaven i think".. PRICELESS!! In his little 3 year old cowboy mind, its gotta be about as close to heaven as you can get..!
Last night after i had put the boys in bed i heard a toy go off in the playroom. Recently it has been left to the on position, so if you walk across the floor it goes off if another toy bumps it in the toybox. I didn't think much about it and just thought maybe Brennan had to get up to pee. SO i checked their bathroom. Sure enough there he was. Except he was sitting which only means one thing-sit down yourself for you are in for a 10 minute pooping process. YOu have to coach him, remind him what he is doing, help him focus and after a while he is done..so he starts in about the wallpaper what is that ect and i say 'hey buddy you need to finish pooping remember..' he grunts for a while them he says 'there is something stuck in my bottom' (i translate..oops i havent watched the fruit intake..need to eat some for bfast) then he says "its a little bit of giant poopses" he grunts.."its hard" im sorry buddy i say..trying not to laugh ast sound effects that boys need no encouragment in finding hilarious..then "I got it out!" he shouts with excitement!
And lastly he comes and kisses my belly a lot lately saying hey to MOlly. The other day he said "hey MOlly i'm ready for you to come out now" and after he woke up for his nap he came in and asked where she was. i told him still in my belly..apparently he had faith that she was going to comply with his desire for her to enter the world and was a little dissappointed when she was still 'in there'.
He has been carrying around the little boy baby my mom bought him before Knox was born and rocking her and even knox has been singing "jesus" (Jesus, Jesus, Jesus there's just something about that name..its his fave) to the doll. They have put her down for naps and Brennan tells Knox, "she wants to hold me now". Brennan even said he was home from the hospital the other day so he must remember a lot more than i thought about Knox's birth.
Knox has been super sweet lately. He twiddles his hair while he sucks his two middle fingers. It is what he does when he is tired. Lately he has twiddled Brennan's, mine, Ben's and...get this..our dog Bailey's hair! I have tried stuffed animals, blankets all of it but to no avail. He prefers hair. He has been considerate of Brennan and looks for him if he doesn't see him walking around calling "Brother"..He loves LOVES to eat meat, wrestle with his Daddy on our king size bed and drive dump trucks. And just so you know...EVERY time i give him a hat to put on his head he turns it around backwards (if you remember i 'prophisied' that before his birth) :) Speaking of birth:
I was 1 cm dialated on Thursday, 25% effaced. My doc said her head was very far down making it difficult for her to even feel my cervix. I am still not measuring up to week 37 but she just thinks that Molly will be 'petite'. i hadn't gained any weight since last visit. I go again this Thursday while the boys are in Alabama at my parents. I have conference at TWC to renew my teaching lisence and will be there 8-2 mon-fri. So... i will take lots of walks without our double stroller next week and rest up after i get the infant carrier strapped in the yukon, the bag for the hospital packed for both me and Molly and maybe i can even find time to make some little hairbows..i want to know how to make some anyone know of a good pattern?...well ladies and gentlemen (if there are any gentlemen that read this) Ready or not...she is coming! We can't wait to meet you Baby Molly!

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Tommorow..

I go to the doctor in the morning. I'm 37 weeks..whoa!! I don't feel like i am I am still not quite ready for this yet..they check to see if ive dilated... The boys are supposed to go to my parents for the week while I attend a seminar at TWC to renew my teaching license..so part of me is hoping that im not dilated, but I'm trusting that if i am that is a way of God closing the door for me to teach for a while until another close to home opportunity arises. This seminar is to add the pre-k endorsement to my certificate and i am actually pretty excited about what i will learn as a mom of two little preschoolers about to be three...I will keep you posted...