Monday, August 22, 2011


Brief facts today. i am short on energy and low on laptop battery;
I had a UTI. Thought meds made me have 'the runs' (i will forever think of my college roomate when i say that-1st time i'd heard it)
BUT i have a virus. A MEAN ONE! it has not let me keep ANY food in me for 72 hours..including the BRAT diet or saltines!
Somehow Miss Molly has managed to soil diapers appropriately-im drinking a ton..
Brennan has it too.
Immodium in liquid form tastes DISGUSTING!!!! (oh and it has blue and yellow dye)
Postpardum issues are complicated with a virus..i will spare you details.
Knox is cutting his 2 year molars..and has a new interest-a pacy..'like Molly' he says
Brennan told Ben today "i threw up cept it came out my bottom"- a perfect description of our virus. We laughed.

Friday, August 19, 2011

a sketch of me

Today i sat down and thought
what if my children drew a sketch of me?
Would they draw in my hand a spanking spoon?
or would i be instead be holding a broom
looking at all the dirty gloom?

Would they draw on my face a smile?
or would i be hiding under a laundry pile?
What would be biggest on the page
my mouth, my eyes filled with rage?

O to find their hands had drawn
their little hands inside my own
or great big arms stretched open wide
waiting to hug them tight inside...

O Lord this is my prayer...
make it true and take me there!
Sanctify my heart until
this is the picture they draw for real.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011


I was outside this evening after dinner watching Ben chop down trees and limbs, watching two very happy very healthy bous play and a beautiful swaddled little girl sleep beside me on the swing and I felt beyond blessed. This is the stuff I dreamed of and pretended and longed for my entire life. Now I know that tommorrow at that very same time I may be questioning my sanity and longing for them to turn 18, but for now it was a very precious moment of gratitude to a God that I cannot comprehend His love for me to have given me such sweet things on earth!
And may I say that He has supernaturally at just the right moment sent help to us? I have felt so spoiled and cared for by everyone! My mom, Bens mom, freinds, neighbors helping with the boys or molly or me. Doing laundry, bringing meals, helping entertain or distract the boys..bring treats and words of blessing. Thank you. What a loving heavenly Father huh?!

Sunday, August 14, 2011


Here we are on our way to church-the first effort of back to normal. My mom has been here a week now and has done a tremendous job of keeping our house clean, meals prepare, boys occupied and quiet when needed. She has truly been a blessing to all of us as she has served our family..I wish I could repay her. She said I will when Molly has her children.
The boys have faired pretty well. We had a little meltdown last Monday night- Brennan expressing his desire for me to be back to normal-able to hold and care for him. I am not supposed to lift him for 6 weeks bc he weighs 40 lbs. Knox I can lift after 4 weeks. I still had a 1st degree tear even though she was small and my 3rd. Knox has dealt with it really well. He is such a daddy's boy it would be worse if it were Ben!
Ben has done so great at helping with baths and discipline. Its hard to spank when you can't lift and you just can't let a two year old only eat sweets all day or a three yr old get away with hitting and telling adults are eminent.
Molly is doing great. She is sleeping 4-5 hours at night and I wake her bc of my own discomfort and need of relief..allyou nursing moms can identify! During the day she sleeps a ton (Gods kindness I believe to make newborns so sleepy) her wake time is early morning and 7-8 pm. She has cried the last two nights from 7 to tummy adjusting I say but we are thinking it will go away..
We appreciate all prayers for our little family during this time thank you dear friends!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

she is here

Our little Molly is home and perfect and in our arms! We are so thankful! The delivery went well. For all you mommies out there that love reading birth stories here it goes:
I got to the hospital at 730 am. Did all the paperwork and got undressed and in that delivery room. I wasn't having the first contraction, had none through the night and felt like 'why am I here?' But on we go answer the 300 questions about my health and family history..have the monitors hooked up and around 9 they came in to start the iv. I started crying and looked at Ben with that look. He asked me what was wrong which trigured the nurse to stop and listen. I said I just want to make sure this is neccessary (the inducement). I asked what would happen if I waited? They let me talk directly to my doctor and she confirmed that Molly would be in danger if I strengthened with the knowledge that I was doing what was best for my baby girl.. come what may I was ready.
They started pitocin at 10am and the contractions began. Around 1 my doctor checked me I was at 5cm she asked if I wanted her to break my water then or wait til she got off at 5. The contractions were getting stronger and closer but still not bad. Though the nurse once again told me I had a high tolerance for she said she would be back at 5. Around 4 the nurse said my doctor would be here soon to break the water so I asked to go ahead and get the epideral. After that things moved pretty quick. I began to really feel the contractions in one area because the epideral didn't take on one side. After about 20 minutes the anesthesiologist was able to get it to work..I had to curl up ina a ball and not move for 20 minutes while they gave a bolus (sp?) I was able to rest for about 20min and was feeling heavy pressure I knew her head was ready. When my dr came in she said let's see if that worked and when she (excuse the graphic here) opened my legs she said oh my get my gloves she is here! I had one contraction and they told me to push I pushed three times and heard her cry!
My first thought was praise God a precious healthy second thought was look at all that hair! I am not posting any pictures because Ben has already introduced her to the world through his blog..please visit his and see a ton of pics..and if you use instagram or follow twitter he has posted on both of those..
Welcome to our little family Baby Molly!
I will update soon with how we are all adjusting!

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

the latest..

I had my regular doctors appointment. She checked me and i was at 2 cm. That was HIGHLY disappointing because with Brennan i was at 3, and Knox i was at 6. BUT she wanted to check my fluid level because i had not increased in measurement since 35 weeks. I had not gained weight since 35 weeks and i had felt a decrease in movement. So she ordered an ultrasound. The ultrasound showed that my fluid levels were very low. Normal is 15..i was at 7. At 6 they order immediate induction and/or c-section. So she said why dont we strip your membranes, see if you go into labor on your own tonight and if not we will schedule an induction for in the morning. So she stretched me to a three, stripped my membranes (not quite as painful as i remembered) and home we went.
My mom will travel up withe boys in the morning, we can have one more night to rest (possibly) and i can have our bags completely packed instead of waiting to add toiletries. I have no idea what its like to do this and i am admittedly a little nervous, but I know that this is the best thing for Molly. Dr. Wyndham said if her fluid level gets too low she could accidentally lay on the cord and then there would be trouble..So i am to hydrate a lot tonight, walk and rest.
And here we go!! I go to the hospital at 7:30 am..

Tuesday, August 2, 2011


For those of you watching closely on here for when Molly is to arrive, I have an appointment at 10 am tomorrow. She will check to see how dilated i am. If i am past 3 cm she may 'stretch' me to a four and/or strip my membranes. I had this done with Brennan. Its killer. Really no fun. boys are in Alabama until i go into labor. My dad has a big work project this weekend, my sister is only 2 weeks away from delivery and our house is spotless, clothes are clean, bags are packed...
i hardly know how to exist on such little being required of me!
A girl from the boys mothers day out program, due the same day as me had her baby girl yesterday. A girl that Ben and i have been keeping up with that lives down the road, due same day as me- had her baby girl today.
I had a massage today (Ben had bartered that from a client about a year ago)..she is certified in maternity massage and it was amazing! Although all the pressure points that were supposed to send me into labor haven't quite taken effect yet...She is just not ready.
I am still not discouraged. I am aware that God knows best and will give us exactly what we need when we need it...please do pray for all the details of my family's travel and arrival for Molly's birth..

Monday, August 1, 2011

As I prepare

Here is a great article that was full of fabulous reminders for me as I prepare to be a new parent again:

From a book my dear friend Lil bought for me:
"Here is a sweet, fragrant mouth to kiss; here are two more feet to make music with their pattering about my nursery. Here is a soul to train for God; and the body in which it dwells is worthy all it will cost, since it is the abode of a kingly tenant. I may see less of friends, but I have gained one dearer than them all, to whom, while I minister in God's name, I will make a willing sacrifice of what little leisure for my own recreation my other darlings had left me. Yes, my precious baby, you are welcome to your mother's heart, welcome to her time, her strength, her health, her tenderest cares, her life-long prayers! Oh, how rich I am, how truly, how wondrously blest!"...
And...from the resurgence blog:

"Here are the things I know about God because I feel these ways for my baby:

God loves me more than I can know
God cleans up my messes—even when they’re really messy
Just because I’m crying doesn’t mean that God isn’t doing what’s best for me
God loves me because I’m his child, not because of what I do
I don’t understand 99.9% of what God has done for me
God has always provided
He knows my cry and can interpret what I need better than I can articulate it
God has a lot of patience
God feels a deep sense of responsibility for me
God gave up a lot of important things for me
God must love our worship, when I hear my baby coo it melts my heart
God is a comforter
I am weak but he is strong
When I scream in his face he is worried about me 
I’m essentially useless to God right now, but he loves me any way
God wants good for me