Wednesday, March 23, 2011

overwhelmed in a different way

So i met my mom in Gadsden and the boys were so excited! I got back in the car and DELIGHTED not to be referee-ing/driving or singing dancing to kiddie tunes/driving, i grabbed my cd case and looked through it. i came to one of my faves Lauren McCuistion's "Better". I posted about a year ago about one song and its ministry to my heart. There were so many songs that seemed to sing my heart's song in that moment i want to share a couple of lines with some of them with you:
DEAR JOY: (yes that is the name of the song. its written like a letter to the action of JOY, not me)
dear joy where can i find you
are you even around anymore
or did you die many years ago
when circumstances overpowered you

"God You know my heart. I've laid it down before You.
Lord, You know my deep desires, how I only want to honor You.
and I know that You've got the desire of my heart and You've got it set apart


shameful this is how i feel
when no one wants to emphathize that they have been here too
that sometimes i don't feel like lifting up my hands
and sometimes if too tired to join in this dance

Im waiting for the sun to rise again
i've got my ear up to door where you aren't knocking
and all i've strength to do is run my fingers through my hair
and wait for the sun to shine again and stay there

please tell me is it something Lord that i m doing
or something that i have failed to do
but if you don't feel like i need this answer
at least could you hold me through the night
as we wait for the sun to rise?

is it wrong to feel confused at what your doing
to ponder and muse what it is that this could prove
is it suitable to inquire of you about how your moving in me
is it wrong to feel insecure about how your moving

im worn out from trying to be my own rescue
im asking for the palm of Your hand to encompass me
there is freedom in admitting to myself what you already know

Ya'll i wept. Overwhelmed by God's abundant care and love for me!  I remembered how in bible study we had talked about the COMMAND to always rejoice no matter our circumstances. I have learned from previous things in my life that God's ways truly ARE better. That its better to look at things through HIS eyes. The words to 'SUN TO RISE' and 'ASKING'   got me. I pondered the 'worn out from trying to be my own rescue'. I talked with a friend on the drive after listening and pondering these sweet words. 
We marveled at how we start each day in self sufficency and end it totally spent going 'i can't do this'..why don't we instead start each day with 'i can't do this' laying our requests and weaknesses before HIM then watch God give us that peace that passes understanding-for HIM to guard us from ourselves and our sin in reaction to circumstances or others?!
We are living daily in our strength, wondering why we are so overwhelmed. 

Ben, not accidentally is preparing a sermon for his 'are you called' class on Phil 4.  It has this GREAT quote in it:
"Here we have  a most beautiful sentiment, from which we learn, that the ignorance of the providence of God is the cause of all impatience, and it is the reason why we are so quickly and on trivial accounts, thrown into confusion and become disheartened: because we do not recognize the fact that the LORD cares for us...We learn, that this is the ONLY remedy for tranquilizing our minds and souls-when we repose unreservedly in his providential care, knowing that we are not exposed to the rashness of fortune..the man that is in possession of this truth has what his soul may rest upon with security."
-John C.

I needed this extra time in the word, in prayer, in worship. Ben leaves at 5:45am. I will be relishing the presence of God, His word and time alone to be refreshed for this task and to be washed with the word letting it penetrate my soul... i am overwhelmed in a different way today. That God could love me enough to give me this time with Him-this getaway!
On Monday, i awoke claiming the theme of not worrying about today. The boys and i took a long walk down to the park, threw some rocks in the pond there and ate lunch when we got back. I did not even make a plan for what to do over this break. I spent the 2 hours of their naps reading the following sermon and the accompanying scripture passages.
"The internal reactions to the pressures of the situations of life"
1. Initial reaction leading up to a decision of action and reaction
              a. Initial reactions
                  (1) perplexity - II Cor. 4:8
                  (2) troubled - Jn. 12:27; 13:21
                  (3) distressed - Lk 12:50
              b. Decision of action and reaction
         2. Self-oriented decisions of action and reaction
              a. Mishandling of God's opportunities - Rom. 14:23
              b. Self-sufficiency
                  (1) I can resolve, explain, outlast, figure out (SELF)
                  (2) Change the circumstances
                  (3) Stoicism - survivalism, coping
                  (4) Fatalism - what will be, will be; "don't worry, be happy"
              c. Reactions
                  (1) Fight - [Ex. anger, hostility, rage, retaliation, bitterness, resentment,judgmentalism, blame, victimization]
                  (2) Fright - Ex. fear, anxiety, worry
                  (3) Flight - Ex. ignore, deny, retreat, avoidance, escapism, digression
         3. Consequences of self-oriented reactive decisions - Prov. 14:12
Stress can lead to distress; dis-ease leads to disease
              b. Despair (II Cor. 4:8,9), desperation, depression.
              c. Hopelessness, helplessness, frantic, panic, hysteria
              d. Mental illness, nervous breakdown, psychosomatic
              e. Addiction, alcoholism, narcotics, medicines
              f. Self-destructive behaviors, suicide
         4. Reactive decisions of
              a. Faith - our receptivity of God's activity - Rom. 14:23
              b. Recognition of God's grace - II Cor. 3:5; 12:9
              c. Acceptance of the situation and provision - Lk. 22:42
Rest in God's sufficiency - Matt. 11:28; Heb. 4:4-11
              e. Perseverance - Rom. 5:3; 12:12; James 1:12
              f. Endurance - I Cor. 4:12; II Tim. 4:5
Rejoicing - James 1:2; I Peter 1:6
Peace - Jn. 14:27; II Pet. 1:2
Contentment - II Cor. 12:10; Phil. 4:11-13
              j. Filled with the Spirit - Eph. 5:18
              k. Abundant life - Jn. 10:10
The "reactive decisions of FAITH" wow!!!! That is where i want to be!!!
Yesterday morning (Tuesday) my mom called and suggested we meet half way and she would take care of the boys for  a while and give me a break. I NEEDED THAT!!! I am so looking forward to some time alone with God!