Saturday, July 30, 2011

emotions

My parents just drove off with my two boys...
My dad had to be in north Alabama to settle some more stuff over my uncles death, my mom went too thinking i may go into labor and she would at least be that close. They offered to take them home until Molly comes.
I cried when they drove off not knowing what emotion to feel. Was this my last few days with them before i have the constant care of a newborn and their boundless energy to contend with? Should i be giving that up?
I had both the boys in my 39th week. i am 38 weeks and 5 days today.. so if you look at things in light of that- i really have 2-5 days before she comes. Exciting, yes. Scary, yes.
I was up last night from 12:17-1:37am with contractions 5 minutes apart. It had been an hour and my bags weren't totally packed so i got up to complete the task and see if they worsened or quickened upon my rising. Nope. Stopped- as in completely. Still nothing-its 10 am..
My parents were asleep on the couch, prepared in case i went into labor to stay with the boys. I must admit i did get a little excited that i could be holding our little girl today, but i was TOTALLY exhausted and felt overwhelmed physically at the thought of laboring for a couple of hours with a future of endless nights without being awakened every two hours. So God is being gracious to me that i have this time of rest before she comes...time to sleep, sleep, and...yawn...sleep. To eat and not have the constant care and chatter that my precious little men bring. To be alone with Ben. To have a clean house last more than an hour.
Last Saturday we rode 4 wheelers at my sis in laws, i swept, mopped and vaccumed our entire house this week, took long walks at night, continued daily tasks of laundry, lifting the boys, cleaning, cooking, bathing them etc. I have stored up extra food in the freezer, labeled and dated. I have done grocery and sundry shopping, worked in the yard, eaten spicy foods and all the 'tricks' that are supposed to send you into labor..
I am tired.
I recognize this as a time of rest and am receiving it gladly, though admittedly with twinges of disappointment. My parents were going to take the boys to Alabama after Molly had been home 2 weeks and we had all adjusted to the addition a little and to give us a break. But now we don't know if that will happen because Hope is also due this month. The last week in August. And will need my mom around that time. So i am relinquishing all plans and waiting. And resting.